Five Guys: A Beautiful Thing

Oh, Five Guys Burgers and Fries, how I love thee.

The best place for burgers and fries
Is the restaurant called Five Guys
Your heart will be hopping
At the sight of the toppings
Give their founders the Nobel Prize

I'm a relatively recent convert to the famous DC burger chain. I'd heard some rumblings about it a couple years ago. I thought it was just another chain. Burgers are good, but they never really excited me that much unless they came from nice restaurants. My roommates insisted that I was destined to love Five Guys, since they regularly witness my love for delicious greasy food. And damn it, they were right. I first went a few months ago, and angels sang as I took my first bite. I don't know what they put in those burgers, but they're like heaven in beef form.

For the uninitiated, the place only sells burgers, hot dogs, and fries. You can get 2 patties or 1. And you can get all the toppings you want. And they have boxes of peanuts for snacking on while you wait. That's it. That's their business.

But the burgers are a miraculous achievement in human history. They're juicy (ok, greasy) and flavorful, and once you start eating it, you're committed to not putting it down, because it will disintegrate otherwise (not that you'd want to put it down anyway). And then there are the fries, which are like boardwalk fries, and come in 2 sizes. You can get them cajun. You should get them cajun. Then drown those fuckers in vinegar and ketchup.

Unfortunately, I cannot eat Five Guys as often as I'd wish, because I want to live past the age of 30. It is not a place for the health conscious. Don't even bother looking at the nutrition facts posted on their website. But as a reward for a hard week of blogging while I should be doing work at work, I'll go to the new location in Columbia Heights and get my fix. And then I'll go home and write poems about how much Five Guys means to me. Thank you Five Guys.